Have you ever felt like your reality was being questioned, or that your perceptions were constantly undermined?

Have you ever felt like your reality was being questioned, or that your perceptions were constantly undermined? A 1978 cartoon by William Hamilton humorously depicted a couple at odds, with one exclaiming, "I am not pushing your buttons. You are pushing my buttons". While light-hearted, it touches upon the very real struggle of gaslighting: the confusion and distress of individuals whose perceptions are actively undermined. This phenomenon, named after the 1939 play Angel Street, portrays a husband manipulating his wife, altering her environment – including gaslights – to make her doubt her sanity. This narrative highlights the profound confusion experienced by victims, leaving them uncertain of their own thoughts and the validity of their perceptions (Calef & Weinshell, 1981, p.44).

Gaslighting is more than disagreement; it's a calculated effort by an aggressor or "victimizer" to impose their skewed reality onto another, often denying manipulative actions and portraying themselves as the injured party. This involves "dumping" of the perpetrator's painful internal conflicts, anxieties, and unacceptable mental content. The core motivation is to offload these burdens, rather than confronting them, shifting their anxieties onto another. For those on the receiving end, the experience is deeply disorienting. Victims often absorb and internalize distorted realities, leading to profound confusion and a compromised ability to trust their own perceptions and judgment. Typically, the one who sees deceit is usually the deceiver. 

Furthermore, the dynamic core of gaslighting often involves controlling and managing greed. This extends beyond the material, encompassing a profound desire to possess, influence, or dominate another's psychological space. During the greed-encounter, the gaslighter projects their own oral impulses onto the victim, using manipulation to alleviate internal anxieties related to these desires (Calef & Weinshell, 1981, p.65). Both victim and victimizer become entangled in a complex psychological dance, driven by unconscious conflicts around control and insatiable demands.

Ultimately, gaslighting is often driven by a desire for control, particularly in relation to deeper, unconscious motives like managing greed. While the victimizer seeks to offload psychological burdens, the victim's susceptibility can be heightened if the manipulation touches upon pre-existing internal conflicts such as greed, guilt, or shame. Recognizing these dynamics is the first step towards identifying its presence, protecting one's mental well-being, and fostering healthier interpersonal relationships where respect for individual realities is paramount.

Struggling with re-claiming your personal convictions? I offer 1:1 sessions to support you in your mental health journey. If this resonates with you, send me a message to get started. 

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